Don't F*ck with Charlie Brown!

I was 6-years-old when television first aired "A Charlie Brown Christmas."

I don't know for sure if I watched the very first airing, my guess would be yes -- but honestly, I have no way of knowing.

I grew up in a big city. One where having a fireplace in your living room was something unheard of. Thus, on Christmas Eve, one of the TV stations in town used to run a film of a fireplace, with nice orchestral Christmas music in the background. It was supposed to give you a nice "homey" feeling, sitting before the fireplace (black and white TV) on Christmas eve.

Apprantly, long after I left town, that TV station discontinued the Christmas Eve Yule Log, and there was outrage, OUTRAGE!!! You just don't f*ck with long-held traditions!

Of course, the TV station resumed the Christmas Eve Yule Log, and things go on as they did before. Props to you TV people!

On Tuesday night, ABC TV Network presented this year's showing of "A Charlie Brown Christmas." We all have our favorite show for the holidays, I know my spouse is partial to "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," but Charlie Brown is hands-down my all-time fave. I love our modern age as it is, and I was out on Tuesday night. But I had set the TiVo to record Charlie Brown. No harm, no foul.

That is, no harm, no foul right up until the time I actually *watched* Charlie Brown on Wednesday night.

ABC, which is owned by Disney, decided they needed to sell an extra 4 minutes of advertising during that half-hour, and BUTCHERED "A Charlie Brown Christmas!"

I'm not talking about minor edits here, I'm talking about eliminating major, significant elements of the show!

They took out the entire scene where the Peanuts gang is catching snowflakes on their tongues, where Lucy announces that she never eats December snowflakes. Linus goes on to demonstrate how he uses his blanket to knock a can off the fence with a snowball.

Most significantly, Sally Brown asks her big brother Charlie to help her write her letter to Santa Claus. Charlie goes over the edge when Sally asks Santa to make it simpler on himself, just send cash, how about tens and twenties! This is *huge* in the plot development of the show, highlighting Charlie Brown's frustration with the commercialization of Christmas.

The last significant elimination was the scene with Schroeder and Lucy, where Schroeder presents the music he's selected for the Christmas Play. The scene has three distinct parts. First, Lucy gets under Schroeder's skin by claiming Beethoven wasn't that great because he never had his picture on a bubblegum card; then Snoopy dances on the piano to the great jazz score of the show; and finally (and this is the part that sent me through the roof) Lucy asks if Schroeder can play "Jingle Bells."

ABC chopped this scene to shreds, airing *only* Snoopy's dance to the jazz music, eliminating both the Beethoven and Jingle Bells sequences. This is sacrilege!! You can't eliminate major elements of a show, and still call it the same show!!

It's Christmastime. No, it is *not* the "Holiday Season." It's effing Christmastime.

We learn traditions from the generations before us. Other traditions are created during our lifetimes. The whole appeal of the Christmas season is that those traditions continue year after year after year.

For me, one of most significant of those traditions is sitting and watching Charlie Brown. For ABC just to go bastardize the whole damn thing, is beyond a shame. It should be considered criminal.

When it was all said and done, ABC had eliminated 3 minutes and 45 seconds of a 25 minute show. That's fully 15% of the entire show, gone, not presented to the audience. Bite me.

For those of you who watched, HERE is what ABC didn't show you. Every second of it.

Hey, Merry effin Christmas ABC!

A Good Man is one who's being a Man

As much as I dislike Tiger Woods, and those who know me well know I can't stand him, I'm impressed with the way he's chosen to "man up" in this situation.

Wife beats the shit out of you and chases you with a golf club, being pissed that you've been screwing other women. Here in Florida, she's committed a domestic violence felony.

In reality, she's correct, Tiger Woods deserves to have his wife chase his ass down with a 5-iron. So, instead of letting FHP arrest his wife, Tiger lawyers up, stays completely mum, and there's no case against his wife. Tiger takes the fall, wife (who's the innocent party) gets off scott free, and he's "manned up" to his actions. It's an issue between him and his wife, not between his wife and the State of Florida.

As much as I can't stand you, good job Tiger Woods. You're still a shit, but you've manned up to it.

Trip Screwing A**holes

I find myself this afternoon in the uncomfortable position of defending the TSA. This is the Transportation Security Administration. A more bumbling, inept example of the uselessness of government employees cannot be found.



After September 11th, then Senate majority leader Tom Daschle absolutely insisted that airport screening be done by federal employees. "You can't professionalize if you don't Federalize." was the saying at the time. What a pile of horsesh*t.

I have observed TSA quite closely over the years and they are the perfect example of government incompetence. WTF is the point of wanding down a wheelchair-bound octagenarian with an oxygen tank? Please explain how taking nail clippers from the pilot makes the aircraft any safer?

Without delving in to how these idiots don't know their own rules on checked firearms, or why cigar cutters are not treated consistently from checkpoint to checkpoint, I recall a time when I really wanted to smack them all silly.

I was wearing an open overshirt going through the screening checkpoint and TSA moron "A" tells me I have to put the overshirt in a bucket and put it through the machine. I asked why, and he told me that "You're wearing it like a jacket, so it must go on the belt." I followed his moronic instructions, got to the other side, whereby TSA Moron "B" takes my shoes from the belt and sets them right on top of my shirt. I complained to TSA Moron "B" that he shouldn't treat my shirt like that, I didn't mind being screened, but treat my belongings with repect. TSA Moron "B" told me I shouldn't have put the shirt on the belt to begin with. Arrrgh!! I told him moron "A" told me I was required to, but moron "B" told me moron "A" would never have done that. Supervisor (TSA Moron "C") was sitting there watching nothing. Just sitting there, looking down at whatever was on his podium, oblivious to everything in the screening area that he was supervising. As I passed by, he may have even been napping, I commented "Great job, ain't it?"

In the private sector all three morons would be unemployed. Professionalize my ass.

So yesterday I ran across another TSA story that really had me pissed. A lady was selected for secondary screening and during that process, a TSA employee walked off with her toddler, literally took him away, to screen him separately.

You can read the entire account here: http://www.mybottlesup.com/tsa-agents-took-my-son/


I was infuriated.

Today -- I found out that the whole story was bullshit. The security video of her entire encounter with TSA has been posted online here: http://www.tsa.gov/blog/2009/10/response-to-tsa-agents-took-my-son.html


As much as I dislike TSA (who now, because they wear metal badges no longer have to go through screening themselves, yeah I'm real confident) the video tells me they handled this lady perfectly fine, can't imagine what put such a bug up her ass. It isn't necessary to make stuff up. They're asshats alright, but lying about them doesn't help.

Bureaucrats with badges are bad enough, bitches on Xanex can be worse.

God How I Miss Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan was a private citizen in 1961, 48 years ago. He was and is completely right here.

Tell Me Something I *Don't* Know

Ah yes, the world of academia.....

A study was published recently by three researchers, 2 from Baylor and 1 from the University of Houston - Clear Lake, entitled: "Harry Potter and Children's Perceptions of the News Media."

This study (which can be found here: http://www.acjournal.org/holdings/vol10/01_Spring/articles/sturgill_etal.php ) manages to tell us that through the first six Harry Potter books, the portrayal of the news media is overwhelmingly negative. Their concern is that this portrayal could give children a belief that "all news media are slanted and deceptive."

LOL And your point is? Why *not* give children this portrayal, since it is obviously closer to the truth than those deceptive and slanted journalists would have you believe.

Hey all you non-slanted journalists, you care to explain these photographs to me?

It was completely obvious to anyone following last year's presidential election that the American news media had a collective hard-on for Senator Obama. Journalistic integrity out the window.

Obama's family -- Off Limits!

The Palin Family -- Open Season!

Maybe we should look at the respect that "journalists" show each of the two most-recent Presidents.


The authors of the study make this statement: "The ideal goal of journalism is to ensure an informed citizenry in an objective and truthful manner."

Maybe someone should have told that to Dan Rather before he broadcast forged documents regarding President Bush's military service.

To Misses Sturgill, Winney and Libhardt -- I submit to you that you are correct. The portrayal of the news media in the Harry Potter books, through Rita Skeeter, The Daily Prophet and the tabloid-esq The Quibbler is overwhelmingly negative. I submit to you however, that this is *precisely* how we should represent the media to our children since, notwithstanding the journalistic "ideals" which you've highlighted, is actually the way it really is.

We should teach our children the truth.

It Doesn't Pay to be the Best

Late last summer, I stumbled across a newly-introduced cigar. It is called the Casa Magna, Colorado. It caught my attention because of its beautiful wrapper (the tobacco-leaf wrapper, not the cellophane) and the fact that the Robusto size was only $5.25 per stick.

I smoked a couple of singles and discovered this was truly a fantasic cigar. At $115 for a box of 27, this was an amazing discovery. It became my number one cigar. I smoked it all last fall and was loving it. I was recommending it to all my cigar buddies as they had not discovered this fine smoke.

First sign of a problem.

Each issue of Cigar Aficionado Magazine includes a section rating dozens of cigars, basing their scoring on overall flavor, appearance and construction. The final ratings are on a scale of 1 - 100. Any rating 88 or above is an excellent smoke. A rating of 90 or above is a truly classic smoke. Cigar Aficionado rated the Casa Magna Colorado Robusto with a 94. I was quite pleased by the rating, as it reinforced my belief that my own taste in cigars matches that of true cigar experts.

Then -- disaster struck.

At the conclusion of each year with their year-end issue, Cigar Aficionado releases their list of what they consider the top 25 "Cigars of the Year." And, you guessed it... Ths year the Casa Magna Colorado Robusto was on the top of that list, rated the #1 cigar of 2008.

From that point on, it seemed that every human being who set foot in the cigar store asked for the #1 cigar. Demand outpaced supply 10-fold, and finding this great cigar became impossible. At the time, I had more than one full box on hand, but they became precious, to be guarded and smoked only on special occasions.

I have not seen a full box of these cigars in more than six months.

Cigars are not Cabbage Patch Kids. You can't just re-tool a new factory and ramp up supply production when demand calls for it. The specific flavor is created by an individual blend of tobaccos that have been specially cured in a precise manner over months and years of time. There is a limited supply of that tobacco. Additionally, expert cigar rollers aren't walking down every street. It is an art form to roll a perfect cigar, requiring years and years of experience. Somehow I knew that when I would finally be able to get my hands on another box, they would *not* be the cigar I remembered.

Last week, I was in San Antonio. As is my custom when visiting a new town, I patronized a rather nice cigar store to examine their selection. While browsing the humidor, I stumbled across an open box of the Casa's. I inquired about a full box, which was available and I purchased it.

The flavor is the same. Just a really nice medium to full bodied cigar with a magnificent finish.

The construction -- sucks!

At least 50% of the cigars that I have smoked from that box have been improperly rolled. The draw causes the burn to move quickly down the center leaving the wrapper and most of the filler to slowly smolder. This creates an overly hot cigar, with a lack of taste and an awful burn.

In my experience, this kind of roll turns up in about 1 of every hundred premium cigars and is a fluke. In this case, it's turned out to be the norm.

Bummer. I really liked the original smoke. Damn you Cigar Aficionado. And Damn you Casa Magna producers for ruining a great smoke.

It Says "F R A G I L E" -- Must be Italian

Happy Father's Day!

I won the Father's Day drawing at the cigar bar, and received a magnificent prize.

It's a kegorator decorated with Oliva V cigars.

So why is it that someone thinks it's really this in disguise?

I wonder.

Anyway, I love it.

How *Not* to Liqidate

WTF is it with these people running corporate liquidations? Is the concept so difficult?

The purpose of a liquidation is to turn a hard asset in to cash. To do that, you price the hard asset so that it is so attractive, the conversion to cash is instantaneous. This is Bankruptcy 101.

But then again, there are people in the corporate world who seem to survive in spite of themselves. Ultimately, they will fail. Gloriously.

A recent example of this came early this year, when Circuit City went Chapter 7, and began to liquidate.

Back in December, as a Christmas present for someone, I purchased a GPS navigation system from Circuit City. They were in Chapter 11 reorganization at that point in time, ready to poise themselves for the future. The GPS system I bought sold "on special" for Christmas, for $99.00.

Later, in January, Circuit City announced that their reorganization plan didn't pan out, they were forced to go out of business, and liquidate their inventory. I returned to the same store, to purchase the same item, but now they were looking to immediately liquidate.

A rational human being would assume that if your intent is to liquidate, and you advertise savings of40 to 90%, that your prices would be cheaper in January than they were in December. This turned out to be not the case.

The same item I purchased for Christmas for $99, was liquidation priced in January at....

..... $170.

Dumbasses.

I was ready and willing to purchase 2 or 3 of these, assuming the pricing would be around 70 bucks. Not a chance. Apparently, when you hire 3 consulting firms to set your liquidation pricing, it ends up working exactly as though your congressman was buying a toilet seat.

This brings me to my current thing to bitch about.

Chrysler's "reorganization."

Without comment on the fascist takeover of Chrysler by the Federal government, as part of the Chapter 11 reorganization plan, Chrysler cast several hundred dealerships off in to the cosmos. Those dealerships were required to liquidate their Chrysler inventory by the close of business today.

I think the shmucks who worked the Circuit City liquidation were also the consultants for my local "going out of business" Chrysler dealers.

I priced a vehicle from the dealer back in February, when they were running the "employee pricing" promotion. The vehicle I sought was then priced at fifteen-five. I did not purchase it.

Yesterday, I had a nice discussion with a salesperson from a liquidating Chrysler dealer. He gave me his liquidation price on the same vehicle I looked at back in February. The liquidation price? Wait for it.....

....... Seventeen five.

Are you shittin' me?

There was even a TV news story about people turning up at that dealership looking for bargains, and turning away saying "we thought the prices would be better."

Know what? You liquidation clowns can't differentiate your asses from a hole in the ground. In some circles, I'm considered an "expert" in bankruptcies. From my expert viewpoint, you morons have completely missed the point. I hope you drive my car all the way to the bank.

Suits. Ties. Heads deeply embedded in your asses. Nice.

Credit to The Godfather

I didn't write this, I'm just repeating it.


Chief Justice John Roberts said today: "I would hope that a wise White man, with the richness of his experience, would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a Latina woman who hasn't lived that life."

What a racist pig.





Ooooops. My bad. Actually the quote if from Justice Sonia Sotomayor, nominee to the Supreme Court of the United States. She said:




"I would hope that a wise Latina woman, with the richness of her experience, would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life."

If one statement is racist, isn't the other one? Yeah, let's see whether or not Katie Couric brings *that* up. (Or the New York Times, Washington Post, yada yada yada)

Racism is racism.

What's Wrong with this Picture?

Sometimes something just strikes you funny.

My beverage of choice these days is a fine pour of a Guiness draft. When that's not available, I return to my old standby, Heineken.

This afternoon I was seated at the bar of an upscale Irish Pub, the kind that has a multitude of fine imported beers on draft. (Or as we used to call it in New Yawk, "on tap")

I recall years ago having a discussion with a bar manager over the price of one of his beers. There was a big chalk sign behind the bar which read, "All Domestic Drafts, $2.00." I was then of course shocked when the bartender charged me $4.50 for a Killian's Irish Red. I engaged the bar manager, who plainly stated that Killian's was a premium import. For some reason I failed to convince him that Golden, Colorado was located within the bounds of the United States, and was thus not an "import." Ultimately, the sign was changed to read, "All Domestic Drafts, $2.00 (except Killian's)."

So today, I was enjoying a fine pint of Guiness when three tourists sauntered up to the bar to sample the wares. They looked at the pipes (the industry term for the beers available on draft) and nothing seemed to meet their needs. Finally, the bartender said this, and I quote:

"We also have many domestic beers in bottles, we have Corona, Corona Light, Heineken, Heineken Light and many others."

I smiled, said nothing, and finished my drink. Sometimes life is just funny.

Heroes II - My Heroes

It's been an impressive past 7 days.

District All-star; Most Valuable Player; National Honor Society inductee. She's my hero.

The other one?

Yesterday became Airman Basic. Sworn to support and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies foreign and domestic, so help him god. When you consider this is a time of war, voluntary enlistment is pretty heroic.

They're my heroes.

Nobody Cares Anymore

Bullet 399

Or more precisely, it’s known as Commission Exhibit 399.

In order to believe that President Kennedy was killed by Lee Oswald acting alone, you must believe this:

This bullet was fired by Oswald using a cheap Italian Carcano rifle.

The round passed through the back of Kennedy’s neck (about 3 inches higher than his wounds indicated), out the front of his neck, nicked Kennedy’s necktie, then it hung in the air for two seconds doing nothing, then moved right 4 inches, then struck Governor Connoly in the back, broke his rib exiting from the front of his chest, entered his wrist, exited his wrist, and came to its final stop in the governor’s thigh.

You then have to believe that this bullet magically exited his thigh while he was on a stretcher at Parkland Hospital in Dallas, found by “someone.”

My God, this must be a magical bullet.

It’s magical because, well…. Hey -- have a look:

Did this bullet do all of that? Holy shit, this bullet really is effin magical.

Because if you take the same rifle and the same kind of bullet and shoot it through just the wrist of some poor bastard cadaver volunteer, you get this: (skipping the in the neck, out of the neck, in the back, breaking the rib, out of the chest and in to the thigh)

Damn.

The reality is bullet 399 did none of these things. But in order to perpetrate the greatest fraud in the history of the United States of America, someone created the story of bullet 399.

That person is….wait for it…wait for it…

Senator Arlen Specter.

Senator Specter was a staff attorney for one of the members of the Warren Commission. It was he who proposed the single-bullet theory which became the core of the Warren Commission report.

It is so blatantly bullshit that it is laughable.

The early 1960’s was a different time in America. The post-war prosperity of the late 40’s and the 50’s created an innocent utopia. We didn’t question our government or its authority, and the young charismatic President was just what we all wanted.

The cold-blooded murder of that President changed it all. But yet, an innocent and naive populace had no impetus to believe the truth. They didn’t question authority. All the bullshit of the late 60’s, the hating of the “man”, the belief that Nixon was worse than the Nazis, it all stemmed from the fact that no one in 1964 wanted to see the truth. That truth was that we were no different than a third-world country where governments are overthrown by force and not governed by law.

This is the legacy of Arlen Specter. This man had no quest for the truth. This despicable human being used whatever power and influence he had to sell the commission and the citizens of the United States on a bullshit story that could somehow remotely fit the fairytale that they wanted to sell.

F**k you Senator Specter. That’s my respect.

To my friends on the left side of the aisle (figuratively, since as I recall they’re actually on the right side of the aisle) you can fucking have him.

All the anger you tried to release in the 60’s was the result of his work. He alone created the tulmultuous era you lived through. Bless you all.

For those of you who don’t know why I chose today to go on this rant, you have my love. For those of you who do, let’s get off our ass and do something about it.

Heroes

"Nine times out of ten, a hero is someone who is tired enough, cold enough, and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don’t give a damn.”- Hawkeye Pierce

I have a new hero.


Beyond any question, Sully is a hero.

Without at doubt, Richard Phillips is a hero.

Yesterday, I found a new one.



He is Gov. Rick Perry of Texas.

Finally somebody says out loud what needs to be said loud and clear: “I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens, and its interference with the affairs of our state...That is why I am here today to express my unwavering support for efforts all across our country to reaffirm the states-rights affirmed by the Tenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. I believe that returning to the letter and spirit of the U.S. Constitution and its essential 10th Amendment will free our state from undue regulations, and ultimately strengthen our Union." Perry continued: "Millions of Texans are tired of Washington, DC trying to come down here to tell us how to run Texas."

For those of you educated in government schools, you may not know what the 10th amendment to the United States Constitution says, but I assure you it is as important as any other written words you will read. Witnesseth:

Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

It’s that simple. The people (you know, “We the People” (perhaps the only part of the U.S. Constitution known by most citizens)) delegated powers to the United States. They are specific powers, they are listed in the Constitution. Those that were not delegated to the United States are reserved to the States or the people.

This is an easy concept. It’s sadly not taught in our schools, but the framers wished to protect the sovereignty of the people and their States. The government of the United States is ignoring it, and it *has* been ignoring it since FDR.

Governor Perry says it’s time to take it back.

Bravo. Gov. Perry, this Bud’s for you.

The Pigs Are In Charge

The Seven Commandments – Animal Farm’s Original Constitution:

1 - Whatever goes on two legs is an enemy.
2 - Whatever goes on four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
3 - No animal shall wear clothes.
4 - No animal shall sleep in a bed.
5 - No animal shall drink alcohol.
6 - No animal shall kill any other animal.
7 - All animals are equal.



The Seven Commandments – After Pigs revisions:

1 - "Four legs good, two legs better!"
2 - No animal shall sleep in a bed with sheets.
3 - No animal shall drink alcohol to excess.
4 - No animal shall kill any other animal without cause.
5 - All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

Orwell was satirizing Stalinism.

I’m not sure he knew he was predicting the future of the United States Constitution.

Let me ask you a question… is this even remotely vague?

Article I – Section 2:

“The House of Representatives shall be composed of Members chosen every second Year by the People of the several States”

States. The House of Representatives comprises representatives of the “States.”


The United States Congress in recent years has taken the attitude that if you can’t amend the Constitution, "Hey! Let’s ignore it!!!"

Yesterday, the U.S. Senate passed a bill giving the District of Columbia a representative in the U.S. House. The District of Columbia is not a State. The Constitution says membership is for representatives of States.

I read the most disgusting quote from a Senator ever yesterday. Senator Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader said that congress is “moving to right a centuries-old wrong.”

WTF!!!???

Tell me Harry… You got a problem with amending the Constitution?



Why was the 19th Amendment passed? Couldn’t the Senate have just done that on its own?

Why was the 23rd Amendment passed? It gave the District of Columbia the right to select presidential electors. Couldn’t the Senate have just done that on its own?

Hey HARRY!!!! Why was the 26th Amendment passed? Couldn’t the Senate have done that on its own?


Yeah, this is the problem: Back in 1978, the Congress passed the exact same thing, District representation in the House. It was passed as a CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT!!!! And guess what? It failed to gain the support of the States and died. THEREFORE: The House is reserved for representation of the States!! NOT of the DISTRICT!!

But today… as Orwell clearly mocked in Animal Farm... the Pigs can change the constitution at will.

It is a sad state for the Republic.

The Pendulum Swung Back and Knocked Me Over

“PROFESSIONAL CARD COUNTERS ARE FORBIDDEN FROM PLAY AT OUR TABLES”

That’s the sign that many years ago was posted at each entrance to every Atlantic City casino.

Along came Ken Uston and his merry band of coked-up card counters who sued the casinos and won the right to play without the risk of being escorted out. Sadly, this was the beginning of the end of advantage-play at blackjack.

In the subsequent years, the casinos devised many methods to negate the advantage of card counters in blackjack. They tried the Bart Carter shuffle, cutting off half the shoe, the preferential shuffle and many other tricks.

Later, as technologies evolved, the continual shuffle machine and the “smart play” system were invented. The former made card counting impossible, the latter made identifying card counters simple, which outside of Atlantic City still mattered.

Many of my card counting friends drifted away from the blackjack table and found their way to the poker room, the only other place in the casino where skill can defeat the house edge. I was still working the blackjack table, desperately seeking a beatable game, and every so often finding one.

Introducing 6 to 5 blackjack.

Somewhere about 7 or 8 years ago, some genius casino employee or consultant came up with the idea of paying out 6 to 5 when the player got a natural 21 blackjack. Ordinarily blackjack pays 3 to 2. So for a ten-dollar bet, rather than get paid 15 dollars on blackjack, instead you got paid 12 dollars.

I can’t convey to you the dramatic change in the odds of the game. An average multi-deck blackjack game with proper strategy would give the house an advantage of right around 0.48%. The introduction of single-deck 6 to 5 blackjack increases that edge to over 1.45%! For all intents and purposes, this makes the game unbeatable.

Of course, one can never underestimate the stupidity of the gaming public. The average player has been told that playing against a single-deck is much better then playing against a shoe game. The minions flocked to blackjack. And I packed up my chips like those before me and moved to the poker room, and I have been there for the last 6 years.

MGM/Mirage is a casino conglomerate. They own the Bellagio, The Mirage, The MGM Grand (maybe we should rob those), Treasure Island, The Monte Carlo, The Excalibur, The Luxor, Mandalay Bay and a few other casinos. MGM/Mirage adopted 6 to 5 blackjack with a vengeance. I paid a visit to Las Vegas late in ’06 and was disgusted by the throngs playing this game up and down the Strip. I played poker. A repeat visit a year ago revealed the same thing. Recently, the Hard Rock Casino in Tampa introduced blackjack tables to go along with slots and poker. And typically, they offer blackjack dealt from continual shuffle machines, making the game unbeatable. I continued to play poker.

The Pendulum has swung.

I was back in Las Vegas again this week. MGM/Mirage had made me several offers I couldn’t refuse, so I booked the MGM Grand. I was walking from the elevators near the Majestic Lions slot machines all the way to the far end of the casino where the poker room was, and stopped to have a look at the blackjack game.

The game I observed was 6-deck, 3 to 2 blackjacks, dealer hits soft 17, conventional surrender with the cut card placed at 80% penetration. What??? Are you sure??!! Aside from a few casinos around the US which I loathe to mention by name, I haven’t seen a blackjack game this good in years! Five dollar minimum, 2000 dollar maximum made this game truly beatable.

Over the next couple of days wandering through various casinos I saw beatable blackjack everywhere. The Venetion was even playing a highly beatable double-deck game.

Having not played very much blackjack over the last few years, I really couldn’t leave town without giving it a crack. Before heading out of town, I paid a quick visit to Downtown Vegas to have a world famous 99 cent shrimp cocktail (which is now $1.99) at the Golden Gate casino. A year ago, they were cutting off more than half the shoe in their six deck game, making counting useless, this week they were cutting off about a quarter. Not great, but playable. I played one shoe, and won a few bucks.

I wandered up the street to Binions (formerly the Horseshoe) to pay homage at the Mecca where the World Series of Poker was created. For shits and giggles I bought in at the blackjack table since I had some time to kill. Within the first 3 hands, the running count went to +22, translating to a true count of +5 and a player advantage of around 4%. I bumped my bet. Blackjack! I parlayed. 19, dealer breaks. Two 9’s, I split, dealer breaks. I parlayed. Twenty, dealer 17. The true count remained at that level for the rest of the shoe and the chips were piling up in front of Rusty to the point where he figured he’s be getting tossed within a couple of minutes. Eleven, double down, 21, dealer breaks. Blackjack. One last 20, and the shoe was done. I looked down, full stack of reds, nearly a full stack of greens. Rusty get the fark out of there!!

I found the cage, cashed in my chips, and headed towards the airport.

My friends, Blackjack is BACK!!

Woohoo!! I Must Be Rich!!

Sixteen days.

It only took President Obama 16 days to raise my taxes. Nice.

I suppose I should be happy. Having my Federal taxes raised means that I must be one of the “fortunate” people who doesn’t need tax relief. I mean, this socialist bastard advocate of “change” promised that the working people of America would see their taxes reduced. Ninety five percent of Americans would be cool, and only 5% would get screwed.

On Wednesday, the President signed the SCHIP bill in to law. Buried back on page 265 are the changes to the Internal Revenue Code, including the changes to Section 5701, which read up ‘til now thusly:

"(a) Cigars
On cigars, manufactured in or imported into the United States, there shall be imposed the following taxes:

(2) Large cigars
On cigars weighing more than 3 pounds per thousand, a tax equal to 20.719 percent (18.063 percent on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001) of the price for which sold but not more than $48.75 per thousand ($42.50 per thousand on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001)."

And the SCHIP bill modifies this as such…..

(2) by striking ‘‘20.719 percent (18.063 percent on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001)’’ in paragraph (2) and inserting ‘‘52.75 percent’’, and (3) by striking ‘‘$48.75 per thousand ($42.50 per thousand on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001)’’ in paragraph (2) and inserting ‘‘40.26 cents per cigar’’.

So let me see, hmmmmmmm….

The tax on cigars goes from 20.719% to 52.75%, with the cap on each cigar going from 4.875 cents per cigar to 40.26 cents per cigar.

I know a wee tad about tax increases, so this translates to a 726% (Seven HUNDRED twenty six percent) increase! In my case, this is an effective tax increase of between 3 and 4 hundred dollars a year.

I guess I’m happy to be rich.

Thanks asshole Mr. President.

Opportunistic Ripoff Artists

"How can you get a permit to do a goddamn illegal thing?" - Dr. Leonard H. 'Bones' McCoy, Star Trek III - The Search for Spock

Only in the world of government can you implement a policy, enforce it for 47 years and steadfastly refuse to change it – even though you know it doesn’t work!

The Cuban embargo was designed to bring about the downfall of Castro. Hey, how’s that workin’ for ya?

This ridiculous embargo bred a highly-profitable industry. Counterfeit Cuban Cigars.

After the cigar boom of the 90’s, when demand for premium cigars in the USA soared, enterprising people in Cuba and in other cigar-producing nations discovered that they could package lesser-quality cigars as authentic Habanos product, and pawn it off as the real thing to a public which has this pleasure denied to them.

Introducing “1001cubancigars.com”

From their website:

“Authenticity: All our Cuban cigars are 100% genuine, hand-rolled by Cuban master cigar makers, and carry all the manufacturer's trademarks of a genuine Cuban cigar.

“Quality: We carry only the highest quality Premium Cuban cigar brands. Once the cigars pass their rigorous inspection, our qualified personel inspects them once more prior to shipping to you from our order fulfillment center in Geneva, Switzerland.”

To which I respectfully observe: Bullshit!! Total bullshit!! Incredible bullshit!!!!!

Yes, these are high-quality fakes. But they are FAKES!!

The unsuspecting novice consumer stands no chance. The boxes had all required labels, stamps and insignia. The cigar bands themselves were 100% authentic. The tubes were exactly like the authentics. The cigars themselves? Completely second-tier, veiny wrappers, inconsistent color, rolled and cut in a hurry. Some are really good, and some are really, really bad. And definitely not authentic Habanos.

Sadly, you truly have to be a real cigar enthusiast to tell the difference. But the reality is, they’re crap. Fakes. Counterfeit. 1001cubancigars.com sells fakes. I’m pissed.

Bill Clinton campaigned in ’92 with the promise of opening up Cuba. As with all the other things he campaigned on in that year, he lied.

It’s time to cut the crap and open up Cuba for the rest of us. A half century of failed policy is enough. Even for government.

“These are wonderful things we’ve achieved in Havana, and there’s no limit to where we can go from here…… The hotels here are bigger and swankier than any of the rough joints we’ve put in Vegas.” -- Hyman Roth, The Godfather Part 2

Welcome! (And all that other cr@p)

Why is it when someone starts a new blog, they seem obligated to write an introductory entry to discuss who they are or why they're writing?

If you know who I am, you know what I'm into. If you happen to stumble across this, well, keep up with the jokes.

I write this for my own amusement, my most successful therapy is venting and with the downfall of USENET, I will occasionally write a blog. I had one for awhile on a lesser-known blog site, but I figured I'd move it here in case there were any masochistic folks with too much time on their own hands that might be entertained or amused by my venting. Other than that, this is about nothing. It will be about as interesting as watching Connecticut Shade leaf dry.

All posts prior to this one were written for the old blog.

That being said....

Welcome to My Blog!

Originally Posted November 5, 2008

America, You Asked For It!

Originally Posted April 7, 2008

Goatse-ing Google Maps

Google Maps is coming to my neighborhood.

Well actually Google Maps already knows my neighborhood. The problem however, is that Google Maps "street view" is coming to my neighborhood.

If you're not familiar with "street view," this is where Google sends out their trucks with 360 degree cameras on them, and photographs every house in every neighborhood in a particular area. Eventually they'll get to every neighborhood and every house in America. I doth protest.

They have already been in my neighborhood. If you click on the intersection a block from my house, you can see the 7-11 I visit each morning in living color on your computer. They will be photographing my house, for all the world to look at, sometime in the very near future.

I'm gonna Goatse them. I'm not sure how, but I'm gonna Goatse them.

Okay, if you're reading this and you're not familiar with the term "Goatse" well, consider yourself lucky. But -- you'll be sure to read further. And that's why Wikipedia is what it is. I shall not belabor you with the gory details, but you can read them here --> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatse.cx

What I think I'm going to do is put a sign in the front of my house welcoming all Google Maps viewers, with the address of a web page, something like: "For cute photos of cuddly kittens, visit http://rustyscuddlykittens.com . Concurrently, I create the website, and should you visit it, you get a gaping ass, with maybe the Google Maps logo at the bottom.

I detest Google Maps Street View. It's time to fight back. Goatse 'em.

Originally Posted January 3, 2008

One Fine Day to be Nude

It's 33 degrees this morning. One can only long for the day......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYhPzJ6Z5lE

(original post had embedded video, you'll just have to click the link instead)

Originally Posted December 14, 2007

Magnificent Non-denial Denial

Oh you gotta love this!

Roger Clemens becomes the top name implicated in the Major League Baseball steroids scandal, and his attorney issues a statement saying that he was slandered.

Now here's the quote:

"Roger has been repeatedly tested for these substances and he has never tested positive," Clemens' attorney, Rusty Hardin, said in a statement. "There has never been one shred of tangible evidence that he ever used these substances and yet he is being slandered today."

Let's look at this magnificent example of a non-denial denial.

1) Does the attorney say anywhere that Clemens did not use steroids?

Wow! How could he leave out such an important statement if it were true?

2) So Roger has never tested positive. Hmmmm, does that mean he never used steroids? Or does that simply mean he never got caught?

3) There's no "tangible" evidence that he used these drugs. Meaning, forget the guy who testified that he shot Roger in the ass many, many times, just focus on the fact that it wasn't video recorded and the bottles and needles were thrown out, and thus, no tangible evidence. We only have the testimony of the guy who helped him.

What a load of bullshit -- but it's the best non-denial denial I've read in a long time. Bravo!


http://tinyurl.com/af3dwf

Originally Posted November 17, 2007

Further Comment is Not Necessary

Originally Posted November 2, 2007

Ten Reasons

I don't recall where I saw this originally, however, I stole this from Boortz. Don't know where he stole it from either.....

Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

Originally Posted October 2, 2007

A Long Tradition Comes to a Sad End

On October 3rd, 1978 a tradition began.


Some years earlier, when I was in the fifth grade, I read a biography of Willie Mays. I was captivated by Mays, and by the events that transpired in his rookie year, particularly the fact that the Giants caught the Dodgers, to tie the regular season after the Dodgers had blown a huge lead. The rest of that story is history. Bobby Thomson defeats the Dodgers in the playoff with the "shot heard round the world." October 3rd, 1951.


As a youth, I had a phonograph record celebrating the 1969 Miracle Mets. On that record, was Russ Hodges' call of Thomson's home run. I memorized every inflection of that call.


Dear old Dad, in conveying his love for baseball to me, had once told me how the Dodgers had so big of a lead that summer, that they had ordered new uniforms for the World Series. They had numbers on the *front* of the jersey, and not just the back. Then the Dodgers collapsed. I remember Dad telling me how much of a crushing feeling that was.


So, as any young teenager would do, particularly a fan of Willie Mays, each year on October 3rd, I would come in to whatever room Dad was in and recite Russ Hodges' call of Thomson's home run. It's every teenager's duty to yank their parents' chain as often as possible.


On October 3rd, 1978 as a teenage college student, I knew I wasn't going to see Dad that day. So I called him. A tradition begun.


I yet again recited Russ Hodges' call, only this time over the phone.


I have since phoned Dad every year, without fail. Including the years I lived in the Midwest, New England, The North Pole, and now in the Sunshine State. With the advent of the internet, I was able to readily access a recording of Hodges, and began to play *that* over the phone rather than recite it myself. One year, I even sent a .wav file as an email attachment. Twenty-nine straight years.


A tradition comes to an end.


The team that ultimately replaced the Dodgers and the Giants was the Metropolitan Baseball Club of New York. In short, the New York Mets.


In the year of our lord 2007, the New York Mets pulled off the biggest September collapse in the history of baseball. They blew a 7 game lead with 17 to play, losing a must-win game on the last day of the season, ceding the title to the Philadelphia Phillies.


Three generations of The Rusty Family are incredulous. I'm pretty sure the Mets had ordered new uniforms for the playoffs, just like the Dodgers had. All I can think is -- baseball happens.

My son today is 3 years older than my Dad was in 1951. We went out last night and the look on his face revealed a telling story. I think I know for sure that 57 years from now, he's not going to want to be reminded of the last 3 weeks. Especially from his own bratty, snot-nosed, middle-aged kid.


Dad, I may call you tomorrow, but I'm not mentioning Bobby Thomson ever again.


Russ Hodges, R.I.P.

Originally Posted August 17, 2007

Bevis, not Butthead

Um, I had a little "tiff" with the State of Florida this week.

Specifically, I asked them to comply with the law.

This did not go over well with them. Bureaucrats don't want to know the law, they want to follow their procedure, even if whatever procedure it is violates the law.

Yesterday--I had a very nice conversation with "Buddy" Bevis, who is the Director of the Division of Licensing of the Florida Department of Agriculture. He basically told me to "fuck off," although his exact words were: "See you in court."

Today--I had a very nice conversation with "Buddy" Bevis, who is the Director of the Division of Licensing of the Florida Department of Agriculture. He had some good news for me. The Division has now added the "Rusty" rule, which, without going in to great detail, means that they shall heretofore abide by the law in the State of Florida.

What's the difference between yesterday and today? It's actually quite simple. I fight bureaucrats for a living. A rather 'okay' living. If you know what makes a bureaucrat tick, you can actually induce the behavior you seek. Yeah, now I owe a political favor to someone, which I will gladly pay, but the outcome is correct. I actually made the State of Florida abide by the law. What a fucking concept.

I am not to be trifled with. Some years ago, in a raided office swarming with teams of armed FBI agents, one of them tried to intimidate me. Even with large weapons, FBI agents are still bureaucrats. I explained that I didn't find him intimidating in the least, since I deal with the IRS on a daily basis, and I was now going about my business unimpeded by him or his weapon. He told me, "Even WE don't mess with them."

Should you ever have to resolve an issue fairly with a government bureaucrat, feel free to give me a call. It only took 24 hours for Bevis to see the light.

And for today--Buddy Bevis, you're not a butthead.

Originally Posted August 12, 2007

This is My GLOCK! There Are Many Like It, But This One is MINE!

With a tip of the hat to Stanley Kubrick and Gaston Glock

Originally Posted August 7, 2007

Begone Accursed 11 year-olds!!

After many years, I have reached the terminal of the Hogwarts Express.

Bummer -- it was a magnificent journey.

Originally Posted July 30, 2007

Playing from the Back Tees

I'm a mediocre golfer. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I'm a lousy golfer.

I've been playing the game since I was 12 years old, but no matter, I suck at it. Notwithstanding that, I still enjoy it. I play as often as I can, whenever I can.

In all the years I've been playing, I've noticed this macho thing that goes on. When you get a group of guys together to play golf, someone always wants to play from the "pro" tees, the furthest back, the ones that make the game most difficult to play. I on the other hand, because I suck big time, would rather play from the "white" tees, which were designed for the average player. But, it's not macho or manly to suggest, WTF we all suck, let's just play from the front. To be direct here, no matter what tees my opponents play from, I always play from the front. I find it makes the game more enjoyable to not make it impossible.

So, why this observation now?

Today I went to the gun range. I was trying to work on my proficiency with my soon-to-be acquired weapon of choice, a Glock 26 9mm. If you've never been to an indoor gun range or fired a handgun, then you wouldn't know that the standard distance for target shooting indoors is 50 feet.

I suck. I can barely see the target "bulls eye" from 50 feet away, much less hit it. I know from prior experience that to keep my aim true, I need to fire at the target from 25 feet.
When I entered the range, there were 3 other shooters going through their paces. I noticed that all the targets were back in the range, at the 50 foot distance. After I loaded the weapon and got set to fire, I set my target at my basic competency distance of 25 feet. The more I fired, the better my success, but I noted something else on the range.....

....by the time I had been shooting for 15 minutes or so, everyone else on the range had shortened their distance to the same 25 feet that I was shooting at.

The back tees. A macho thing. All these guys were shooting to 50 feet because *everyone else* was. Notwithstanding that they couldn't hit their targets. It wasn't "manly" to shoot at 25 feet. Until I came along with my Glock 26. Even the guy shooting the fully-automatic Uzi moved his Osama Bin Laden target to 25 feet, before he blew the living shit out of it.

With women, it's shoes. With men, it's playing from the back tees. Go figure.

My guess is that if I ever (god-forbid) have to fire my weapon at a person to defend myself, my family or my property, it will be from within 10 feet. Proficiency at 25 feet is more than necessary. You guys playing from the back tees lose too many balls, and waste way too much ammunition. I'll keep playing from the whites.

Originally Posted July 22, 2007

Twelve years ago when I first became internet active, the World Wide Web seemed to be a vast wasteland of uselessness. Web sites were either personal "Look at me I have a web page!", commercial (generally a repeat of a company's current magazine campaign), or just straight up porn. Finding useful information was usually a futile effort.

Thankfully, this has changed.

I found myself with a problem. I was one book behind in reading the Harry Potter series. When "Half-Blood Prince" was released in 2005, I dove in head-first, only to find that in the 2 years since "Order of the Phoenix," I had forgotten much of what had happened. So many events in the early going of Book 6 referred to Book 5, that I found Book 6 nearly unreadable. Not wanting to go back and re-read book 5 just to read book 6, I set it aside. Of course, within a few days, some blabbermouth on TV revealed the big ending of "Prince," and to say I was pissed off is an understatement. I was now one book behind, with no motivation to read it since I knew how it ended.

This posed a problem as the release of the final book approached.

My plan to get caught up was to wait until the Book 5 movie was released, watch it, then quickly read Book 6 in the week prior to the release of the final Chapter, "Deathly Hallows." A good concept, but poor in execution. The "Phoenix" movie is not nearly long enough or detailed enough to cover the information I needed before reading "Prince." I was stumped as to what to do. Re-read Book 5, then read book 6, and do it all before book 7? This would be an insurmountable task for someone who is gainfully employed.

And then I discovered this:

http://tinyurl.com/aaqw37


In 38 pages, a complete summary, including links that will clarify specific people and events when needed. A better solution to my problem cannot be found.



Twelve years ago THIS is the kind of thing I had always thought we should be able to access on the Web. And now 36 hours after discovering this information, I am further in to book 6 than I had ever gotten before. I should be finished by Monday, and dive right in to the final chapter. Before some fucking 11-year-old big mouth blows the ending for me. Again.



Thank god for the Internet.

Originally Posted July 14, 2007

Every morning I wake up and I give thanks to:

1 - The 2nd amendment of the U.S. Constitution

2 - The 10th amendment of the U.S. Constitution

3 - Article 1, Section 8 of the Florida Constitution

4 - Gaston Glock

Originally Posted July 4, 2007

I wonder what percentage of Americans can even pass this. Now, ask them about Paris Hilton.....

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19552808/

Originally Posted June 2, 2007