It Doesn't Pay to be the Best

Late last summer, I stumbled across a newly-introduced cigar. It is called the Casa Magna, Colorado. It caught my attention because of its beautiful wrapper (the tobacco-leaf wrapper, not the cellophane) and the fact that the Robusto size was only $5.25 per stick.

I smoked a couple of singles and discovered this was truly a fantasic cigar. At $115 for a box of 27, this was an amazing discovery. It became my number one cigar. I smoked it all last fall and was loving it. I was recommending it to all my cigar buddies as they had not discovered this fine smoke.

First sign of a problem.

Each issue of Cigar Aficionado Magazine includes a section rating dozens of cigars, basing their scoring on overall flavor, appearance and construction. The final ratings are on a scale of 1 - 100. Any rating 88 or above is an excellent smoke. A rating of 90 or above is a truly classic smoke. Cigar Aficionado rated the Casa Magna Colorado Robusto with a 94. I was quite pleased by the rating, as it reinforced my belief that my own taste in cigars matches that of true cigar experts.

Then -- disaster struck.

At the conclusion of each year with their year-end issue, Cigar Aficionado releases their list of what they consider the top 25 "Cigars of the Year." And, you guessed it... Ths year the Casa Magna Colorado Robusto was on the top of that list, rated the #1 cigar of 2008.

From that point on, it seemed that every human being who set foot in the cigar store asked for the #1 cigar. Demand outpaced supply 10-fold, and finding this great cigar became impossible. At the time, I had more than one full box on hand, but they became precious, to be guarded and smoked only on special occasions.

I have not seen a full box of these cigars in more than six months.

Cigars are not Cabbage Patch Kids. You can't just re-tool a new factory and ramp up supply production when demand calls for it. The specific flavor is created by an individual blend of tobaccos that have been specially cured in a precise manner over months and years of time. There is a limited supply of that tobacco. Additionally, expert cigar rollers aren't walking down every street. It is an art form to roll a perfect cigar, requiring years and years of experience. Somehow I knew that when I would finally be able to get my hands on another box, they would *not* be the cigar I remembered.

Last week, I was in San Antonio. As is my custom when visiting a new town, I patronized a rather nice cigar store to examine their selection. While browsing the humidor, I stumbled across an open box of the Casa's. I inquired about a full box, which was available and I purchased it.

The flavor is the same. Just a really nice medium to full bodied cigar with a magnificent finish.

The construction -- sucks!

At least 50% of the cigars that I have smoked from that box have been improperly rolled. The draw causes the burn to move quickly down the center leaving the wrapper and most of the filler to slowly smolder. This creates an overly hot cigar, with a lack of taste and an awful burn.

In my experience, this kind of roll turns up in about 1 of every hundred premium cigars and is a fluke. In this case, it's turned out to be the norm.

Bummer. I really liked the original smoke. Damn you Cigar Aficionado. And Damn you Casa Magna producers for ruining a great smoke.

Woohoo!! I Must Be Rich!!

Sixteen days.

It only took President Obama 16 days to raise my taxes. Nice.

I suppose I should be happy. Having my Federal taxes raised means that I must be one of the “fortunate” people who doesn’t need tax relief. I mean, this socialist bastard advocate of “change” promised that the working people of America would see their taxes reduced. Ninety five percent of Americans would be cool, and only 5% would get screwed.

On Wednesday, the President signed the SCHIP bill in to law. Buried back on page 265 are the changes to the Internal Revenue Code, including the changes to Section 5701, which read up ‘til now thusly:

"(a) Cigars
On cigars, manufactured in or imported into the United States, there shall be imposed the following taxes:

(2) Large cigars
On cigars weighing more than 3 pounds per thousand, a tax equal to 20.719 percent (18.063 percent on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001) of the price for which sold but not more than $48.75 per thousand ($42.50 per thousand on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001)."

And the SCHIP bill modifies this as such…..

(2) by striking ‘‘20.719 percent (18.063 percent on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001)’’ in paragraph (2) and inserting ‘‘52.75 percent’’, and (3) by striking ‘‘$48.75 per thousand ($42.50 per thousand on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001)’’ in paragraph (2) and inserting ‘‘40.26 cents per cigar’’.

So let me see, hmmmmmmm….

The tax on cigars goes from 20.719% to 52.75%, with the cap on each cigar going from 4.875 cents per cigar to 40.26 cents per cigar.

I know a wee tad about tax increases, so this translates to a 726% (Seven HUNDRED twenty six percent) increase! In my case, this is an effective tax increase of between 3 and 4 hundred dollars a year.

I guess I’m happy to be rich.

Thanks asshole Mr. President.

Opportunistic Ripoff Artists

"How can you get a permit to do a goddamn illegal thing?" - Dr. Leonard H. 'Bones' McCoy, Star Trek III - The Search for Spock

Only in the world of government can you implement a policy, enforce it for 47 years and steadfastly refuse to change it – even though you know it doesn’t work!

The Cuban embargo was designed to bring about the downfall of Castro. Hey, how’s that workin’ for ya?

This ridiculous embargo bred a highly-profitable industry. Counterfeit Cuban Cigars.

After the cigar boom of the 90’s, when demand for premium cigars in the USA soared, enterprising people in Cuba and in other cigar-producing nations discovered that they could package lesser-quality cigars as authentic Habanos product, and pawn it off as the real thing to a public which has this pleasure denied to them.

Introducing “1001cubancigars.com”

From their website:

“Authenticity: All our Cuban cigars are 100% genuine, hand-rolled by Cuban master cigar makers, and carry all the manufacturer's trademarks of a genuine Cuban cigar.

“Quality: We carry only the highest quality Premium Cuban cigar brands. Once the cigars pass their rigorous inspection, our qualified personel inspects them once more prior to shipping to you from our order fulfillment center in Geneva, Switzerland.”

To which I respectfully observe: Bullshit!! Total bullshit!! Incredible bullshit!!!!!

Yes, these are high-quality fakes. But they are FAKES!!

The unsuspecting novice consumer stands no chance. The boxes had all required labels, stamps and insignia. The cigar bands themselves were 100% authentic. The tubes were exactly like the authentics. The cigars themselves? Completely second-tier, veiny wrappers, inconsistent color, rolled and cut in a hurry. Some are really good, and some are really, really bad. And definitely not authentic Habanos.

Sadly, you truly have to be a real cigar enthusiast to tell the difference. But the reality is, they’re crap. Fakes. Counterfeit. 1001cubancigars.com sells fakes. I’m pissed.

Bill Clinton campaigned in ’92 with the promise of opening up Cuba. As with all the other things he campaigned on in that year, he lied.

It’s time to cut the crap and open up Cuba for the rest of us. A half century of failed policy is enough. Even for government.

“These are wonderful things we’ve achieved in Havana, and there’s no limit to where we can go from here…… The hotels here are bigger and swankier than any of the rough joints we’ve put in Vegas.” -- Hyman Roth, The Godfather Part 2