Old Friends

I spent last week fixing a theoretically simple problem with my car. I say simple because it was a small part, fixed to the engine by one bolt. I say theroretically because that one bolt was impossible to find, then once found, impossible to reach.

I found it, reached it, and ultimately swapped it out.

I'd have never even attempted such a fix, if it hadn't been for one guy. A guy I realize now was my mentor.

His name was Tor Kalleberg. He died in a fire a few years ago, the rotten details are omitted.

I was introduced to Tor by my parents. He needed someone to help with handyman/honeydo projects around the house, and his own kids were too young to lend a hand. I became his right-hand handyman. I even babysat his kids - Barbra, Jon, Paul, and ultimately their new baby Rebecca.

Weekend after weekend, we worked on fixing things around the house. Ultimately we ended up working on the old dead cars he had lying around in his yard.

As it turnes out, the biggest project we worked on was the 1963 Ford Falcon. We took the front end from a 62, the floor shift and transmission from a 64, grabbed a 1970 Maverick engine and dropped it all in to that Falcon. When we were halfway done, Tor announced to me that when we were *completlely* done, the Falcon was mine. And that's how it played out. My very first car was one I had built with my own hands, a 1963 Ford Falcon.

I don't remember the last time I ever saw Tor Kalleberg. I'm sure that whenever it was, neither of us realized that we'd never see each other again. Thirty years later, when I found that he had died, yes, I did cry. He was my buddy, he was my friend, and he was the first adult person who ever treated *me* as an adult person.

I spent two days last week trying to swap out some computerized sensor piece of bullshit on my car. With each click on the super-extended rachet in the impossible place on the impossible part of the car, I thought back to my friend. He was a helluva guy.

I will miss him always.

For your kids to watch, oh, and you too.

Helen Thomas, meet Billy Casper

Before it was called a bucket list, I kept a death list. Now that it has a formal name, I think people are more forthcoming about the items that are actually on that list.

Years ago, my bucket list contained an item: Watch Arnold Palmer play golf in person.

I remember the day that I crossed that item off my list, as it was a double cross-off. I had also wanted to watch Jack Nicklaus play golf before I kicked off, and that one day -- they were playing together.

Arnold Palmer is a class act from top to bottom. I've met him several times now, and unlike today's reigning king of professional golf, Arnie nearly always will interact with his fans; he'll sign autographs sometimes for as long as it takes for everyone to be accommodated. Most of all, he shows his class with his respect for the game.

On October 13, 2006, Arnold Palmer withdrew from the Administaff Small Business Classic after playing just 4 holes. Arnie was dissatisfied with his own play, and at that moment retired from the game out of respect for himself, and for the game. The King was done. Long live the King.

On the other side of that coin, let me introduce you to Billy Casper. Casper was a contemporary of Arnie, winning 51 PGA Tour events, three majors -- including the 1970 Masters.

The Masters Tournament is a private event, sponsored by the Augusta National Golf Club. Qualification to play in the Masters is decided by any one of a number of pathways in. The simplest one is this: Any previous Masters champion is qualified to play in any subsequent Masters event. The qualification is for a lifetime.

In 2002, the Masters organizers sent a letter to Casper, along with Gay Brewer and Doug Ford, politely suggesting, "Hey guys -- maybe you should consider *not* playing in the Masters this year."

This trio had pretty much overstayed their welcome. Brewer was an embarrassment in the prior year, shooting an 84 and having to use a golf club as a cane to get up to the 18th green. Casper had shot 87 and 80 the prior year, not having made the cut in 13 years. And Ford, well Ford had to withdraw after just 2 holes in the prior year because that's all the golf the old fella had left. He had won the Masters back in 1957, but continued to play year after year. All three, while fully eligible, were politely asked to refrain from playing in 2002. Ford behaved gentlemanly, as one would expect from a participant in a gentleman's game. But noooo, not Gay Brewer. And not Billy Casper.

Gay Brewer was so insulted by the letter that he skipped over the Champions Dinner that year, snubbing the gathering of the greatest who ever played the game.

Despite having being asked not to play, Billy Casper entered the 2005 Masters Tournament three years later. The results were predictable, Casper shot a score of 106, thirty four strokes over par, the worst round in Masters history by 11 strokes. Hell, *I* can shoot 106 at the Masters. But the fact is that Casper showed no respect for the game, himself, or the Masters.

Arnold Palmer showed class, dignity and respect. Casper? He became a joke to himself and his profession.

Billy Casper, meet Helen Thomas. Helen, meet Billy.

I think more than any other woman in the history of our nation's capital, Helen Thomas commanded the stage of American politics. She didn't just cross the gender barrier, she obliterated it, paving the way for many to follow. Helen was never meek, going toe to toe with Nixon, Reagan and a pair of Bushes among others. An unabashed liberal, Helen basically took no shit from anyone standing at a White House podium. For that, she has our undying respect.

Helen resigned from United Press International in May of 2000 after that company was acquired by the "Moonies." Helen was just shy of 80 years old.

That moment in time provided the perfect opportunity for Helen Thomas to retire. She had a legitimate reason to leave UPI, she had engraved her reputation in to the walls of the East Room and the White House briefing room. Her mark and her legacy had been set. Helen could retire with grace, dignity and respect for her profession. Helen Thomas could have been Arnold Palmer.

None was more surprised than I when just a few weeks later it was announced that Helen would become a columnist for Hearst newspapers. The fact of it is, Helen was really no longer relevant. I only read a few of her columns over the last 10 years, and rather than provoking news stories with her front row seat at the White House, she was simply espousing her own take and liberal spin on things she felt like spewing on. But really, to my reading, she was contributing nothing to the debate. She had become Billy Casper.

The White House Correspondents Association assured Helen her own chair in the front of the White House Briefing Room. In my mind, this is the equivalent of a lifetime exemption to the Masters. In the last few years, during both the current and previous administrations, she used this seat pretty much to be rude, without drawing any substance. Unlike the Masters, Hearst newspapers or even WHCA lacked the balls to politely suggest to Helen it was time to retire. Instead, she turned up whenever the urge hit her, and rudeness surrounded her essence.

Last week, she shot a 106 in the Masters. Her bigoted comments about Jews and Israel were *so* over the top, no legitimate journalist could even hide behind the usual "well we all have our opinions, but we keep our personal beliefs out of the news" nonsense. And there we see Helen, walking to the 18th green with a cane to assist her.

I note that Hearst newspapers was the source for the news of Helen's immediate retirement, and not Helen herself. Basically, she was fired. She's retiring 10 years too late, but she now gets to be remembered like Billy Casper and not as Arnold Palmer.

Fare thee well Helen. You're simply a bigoted bully, and that may well be your ultimate legacy.

Someone needs to send Classmates a Telegram

The last time I sent a telegram I phoned Western Union. I dictated my message to them over the phone, which they then read back to me. They promptly delivered my message -- by calling the recipient on the phone and reading it to him. They then sent a paper copy via U.S. Mail. Um, not really the effect I wanted, but I realized the telegram as a form of communication was dead. Western Union finally discontinued this service in 2006.

Every couple of weeks or so I get an email from Classmates.com informing me that someone has viewed my profile, left me a greeting or some such, and I should "find out who!" Of course, should I log in to my Classmates account to actually find out who -- I am invited to become a paid "Gold Member" which will allow me to send messages and directly contact other members.

Wow! Really? I can actually *pay* Classmates to contact old friends and share my story with them?

Hey Classmates!! Are you also thinking of opening up a mall-based travel agency to book my plane flight too?

Have you guys never heard of Facebook? I don't need to pay you money to send messages and share stories with my old friends. I do it every damned day on Facebook.

At one time, Classmates.com was one of the biggest advertisers on the .net. It seemed like every page I went to had a classmates banner ad -- "She -- Married him?"

Ten years ago maybe more, I was a periodic gold member at Classmates. The little trick I used to use was that I would only become a paid member for one month, about every year or two. That way, I could contact any friends I had found, send them all my email address, then cancel the account and maintain contact with my friends afterwards. I did this about three times until I had basically contacted everyone who was there whom I wanted to contact.

Ten years ago, their business model made sense. Today? Are you people nucking futs? Why would I pay you to find the exact same people I can find on facebook? Now, it's not like Classmates doesn't have a lot of "business partners" who post banner ads on every damned page. You're making money with each page hit. So here's an idea, why not come in to *this* century and encourage more people to visit those pages. Hmmmmm, I know!! How about making the whole damned thing free??!!!

I guess the Classmates people still book their vacation at the mall travel agency. They need to revise their business model. I think I'll send them my ideas by telegram.

Costas hits one out of the park

Closing cermony of the Vancouver Olympics. All of the pagentry is in full gear. Giant figures are being rolled in to the stadium.

Bob Costas says:

"And the always enjoyable, Giant inflatable beavers"

Dude, that was *so* perfect.


Nice

Facebook is starting to tick me off

We all join Facebook for different reasons. For some, it's complete social networking -- 300+ friends, many of whom you hardly even know. For others it's to keep up with family, whether immediate or extended, and yet others are there just to be there.

I joined Facebook at the urging of my longest and dearest friend because there is an alumni page for the summer camp we went to, the place where we met. Once there, I primarily used it to keep up on what my kids were doing, since I'm old now and don't see them very often.

My experience has since evolved to include mostly some very old and dear friends, people I'd lost touch with long ago and always wished that I hadn't.

And now it's starting to piss me off.

This afternoon, a friend of a friend of mine became friends with an old, old girlfriend of mine. Now, since I'm not a friend, I can't read all the particulars of her life, but I was able to browse through her profile photos. It's unmistakable -- this was my old girlfriend, someone I stopped seeing 34 or so years ago, who I last saw when I bumped in to her in a bar in Brooklyn in 1979 or therabouts.

So why does this piss me off? She was *so* recognizable. The woman has not aged. I'd have been able to pick her out of a crowd in an instant. And this is not the first time!

I must begin with my spouse, whom I met when she was 18. Today? Hot. Hotter now than then. But she doesn't freakin' age!

I scrolled through my friends list, and my four oldest friends, all of them women, one is another ex-girlfriend -- friends of mine since puberty or before -- they all look like a million bucks! Any one of the four of them could be walking on Main Street USA at Disneyworld amidst a thousand tourists, and I'd recognize them now, because they are just as they were back then. Damn you all!

When I was 15, I always liked the fact that I looked older. The drinking age was 18 back then, but I would never be asked for ID. When I turned 39 I didn't share this enthusiasm, as some coworkers assumed that I had turned the Big FIVE-OH! (I began coloring my hair the next day) Now that I'm 50, okay I've aged! But why isn't everyone else keeping up?!!

My friends, ALL the same age -- look young, sexy and vibrant.

I look like I'm about 100 with one foot in the grave. I'm sure if I had a photo taken with any of these friends, somone looking at it would say "Oh, is that your father?"

Bravo to all my old friends.

As for me, I recall the line from Indiana Jones: "It's not the age, it's the mileage."

Liberal Lies - Calling them out

A low-income client of mine asked me to compute her estimated tax payment for January 15th.

You see, some years back she had inherited some stock, and in 2009 the company was acquired and created what was essentially a forced sale of that stock. She wanted to make sure she had her taxes paid.

I spent a couple of hours computing the holding period and the amount of forced gain, then punched it in to the tax software and came up with the astounding realization that the transaction would not be taxed!

Wow!

I then went back and verified what I had once known, but had forgotten about since I have so few "low income" clients. And that is this:

Under the Bush tax cuts, low income people pay ZERO tax on long-term capital gains for 2008 to 2010. Zero, zip, nada.

I then informed this client that even though this was a forced sale, she should be happy it happened in 2009. Why? Because the Bush tax cuts will expire after this year. If this same transaction were to take place next year in 2011 -- her tax bill would be $6,980!

This applies for low income people only, and has nothing to do with middle or upper income taxpayers.

Read this again: When the Bush tax cuts expire, this low income taxpayer would have paid nearly $7,000 in extra tax.

Now -- How many times have we been told that the Bush tax cuts only benefit "the wealthy?" Hundreds? Thousands?

I can't tell you how often I tried to explain to people that this was total bullshit -- all taxpayers benefited from the Bush tax cuts and that in fact lower income people made out the best. But no, we never heard that. All we've heard for the last 8 years was that the Bush tax cuts were for the wealthy.

Well, I'll tell you what -- when the Bush tax cuts are allowed to expire, there are going to be a lot of pissed off people, and the economy will slow yet again. That's fact.

Let the liberal lying continue.

Don't F*ck with Charlie Brown!

I was 6-years-old when television first aired "A Charlie Brown Christmas."

I don't know for sure if I watched the very first airing, my guess would be yes -- but honestly, I have no way of knowing.

I grew up in a big city. One where having a fireplace in your living room was something unheard of. Thus, on Christmas Eve, one of the TV stations in town used to run a film of a fireplace, with nice orchestral Christmas music in the background. It was supposed to give you a nice "homey" feeling, sitting before the fireplace (black and white TV) on Christmas eve.

Apprantly, long after I left town, that TV station discontinued the Christmas Eve Yule Log, and there was outrage, OUTRAGE!!! You just don't f*ck with long-held traditions!

Of course, the TV station resumed the Christmas Eve Yule Log, and things go on as they did before. Props to you TV people!

On Tuesday night, ABC TV Network presented this year's showing of "A Charlie Brown Christmas." We all have our favorite show for the holidays, I know my spouse is partial to "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," but Charlie Brown is hands-down my all-time fave. I love our modern age as it is, and I was out on Tuesday night. But I had set the TiVo to record Charlie Brown. No harm, no foul.

That is, no harm, no foul right up until the time I actually *watched* Charlie Brown on Wednesday night.

ABC, which is owned by Disney, decided they needed to sell an extra 4 minutes of advertising during that half-hour, and BUTCHERED "A Charlie Brown Christmas!"

I'm not talking about minor edits here, I'm talking about eliminating major, significant elements of the show!

They took out the entire scene where the Peanuts gang is catching snowflakes on their tongues, where Lucy announces that she never eats December snowflakes. Linus goes on to demonstrate how he uses his blanket to knock a can off the fence with a snowball.

Most significantly, Sally Brown asks her big brother Charlie to help her write her letter to Santa Claus. Charlie goes over the edge when Sally asks Santa to make it simpler on himself, just send cash, how about tens and twenties! This is *huge* in the plot development of the show, highlighting Charlie Brown's frustration with the commercialization of Christmas.

The last significant elimination was the scene with Schroeder and Lucy, where Schroeder presents the music he's selected for the Christmas Play. The scene has three distinct parts. First, Lucy gets under Schroeder's skin by claiming Beethoven wasn't that great because he never had his picture on a bubblegum card; then Snoopy dances on the piano to the great jazz score of the show; and finally (and this is the part that sent me through the roof) Lucy asks if Schroeder can play "Jingle Bells."

ABC chopped this scene to shreds, airing *only* Snoopy's dance to the jazz music, eliminating both the Beethoven and Jingle Bells sequences. This is sacrilege!! You can't eliminate major elements of a show, and still call it the same show!!

It's Christmastime. No, it is *not* the "Holiday Season." It's effing Christmastime.

We learn traditions from the generations before us. Other traditions are created during our lifetimes. The whole appeal of the Christmas season is that those traditions continue year after year after year.

For me, one of most significant of those traditions is sitting and watching Charlie Brown. For ABC just to go bastardize the whole damn thing, is beyond a shame. It should be considered criminal.

When it was all said and done, ABC had eliminated 3 minutes and 45 seconds of a 25 minute show. That's fully 15% of the entire show, gone, not presented to the audience. Bite me.

For those of you who watched, HERE is what ABC didn't show you. Every second of it.

Hey, Merry effin Christmas ABC!

A Good Man is one who's being a Man

As much as I dislike Tiger Woods, and those who know me well know I can't stand him, I'm impressed with the way he's chosen to "man up" in this situation.

Wife beats the shit out of you and chases you with a golf club, being pissed that you've been screwing other women. Here in Florida, she's committed a domestic violence felony.

In reality, she's correct, Tiger Woods deserves to have his wife chase his ass down with a 5-iron. So, instead of letting FHP arrest his wife, Tiger lawyers up, stays completely mum, and there's no case against his wife. Tiger takes the fall, wife (who's the innocent party) gets off scott free, and he's "manned up" to his actions. It's an issue between him and his wife, not between his wife and the State of Florida.

As much as I can't stand you, good job Tiger Woods. You're still a shit, but you've manned up to it.

Trip Screwing A**holes

I find myself this afternoon in the uncomfortable position of defending the TSA. This is the Transportation Security Administration. A more bumbling, inept example of the uselessness of government employees cannot be found.



After September 11th, then Senate majority leader Tom Daschle absolutely insisted that airport screening be done by federal employees. "You can't professionalize if you don't Federalize." was the saying at the time. What a pile of horsesh*t.

I have observed TSA quite closely over the years and they are the perfect example of government incompetence. WTF is the point of wanding down a wheelchair-bound octagenarian with an oxygen tank? Please explain how taking nail clippers from the pilot makes the aircraft any safer?

Without delving in to how these idiots don't know their own rules on checked firearms, or why cigar cutters are not treated consistently from checkpoint to checkpoint, I recall a time when I really wanted to smack them all silly.

I was wearing an open overshirt going through the screening checkpoint and TSA moron "A" tells me I have to put the overshirt in a bucket and put it through the machine. I asked why, and he told me that "You're wearing it like a jacket, so it must go on the belt." I followed his moronic instructions, got to the other side, whereby TSA Moron "B" takes my shoes from the belt and sets them right on top of my shirt. I complained to TSA Moron "B" that he shouldn't treat my shirt like that, I didn't mind being screened, but treat my belongings with repect. TSA Moron "B" told me I shouldn't have put the shirt on the belt to begin with. Arrrgh!! I told him moron "A" told me I was required to, but moron "B" told me moron "A" would never have done that. Supervisor (TSA Moron "C") was sitting there watching nothing. Just sitting there, looking down at whatever was on his podium, oblivious to everything in the screening area that he was supervising. As I passed by, he may have even been napping, I commented "Great job, ain't it?"

In the private sector all three morons would be unemployed. Professionalize my ass.

So yesterday I ran across another TSA story that really had me pissed. A lady was selected for secondary screening and during that process, a TSA employee walked off with her toddler, literally took him away, to screen him separately.

You can read the entire account here: http://www.mybottlesup.com/tsa-agents-took-my-son/


I was infuriated.

Today -- I found out that the whole story was bullshit. The security video of her entire encounter with TSA has been posted online here: http://www.tsa.gov/blog/2009/10/response-to-tsa-agents-took-my-son.html


As much as I dislike TSA (who now, because they wear metal badges no longer have to go through screening themselves, yeah I'm real confident) the video tells me they handled this lady perfectly fine, can't imagine what put such a bug up her ass. It isn't necessary to make stuff up. They're asshats alright, but lying about them doesn't help.

Bureaucrats with badges are bad enough, bitches on Xanex can be worse.

God How I Miss Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan was a private citizen in 1961, 48 years ago. He was and is completely right here.

Tell Me Something I *Don't* Know

Ah yes, the world of academia.....

A study was published recently by three researchers, 2 from Baylor and 1 from the University of Houston - Clear Lake, entitled: "Harry Potter and Children's Perceptions of the News Media."

This study (which can be found here: http://www.acjournal.org/holdings/vol10/01_Spring/articles/sturgill_etal.php ) manages to tell us that through the first six Harry Potter books, the portrayal of the news media is overwhelmingly negative. Their concern is that this portrayal could give children a belief that "all news media are slanted and deceptive."

LOL And your point is? Why *not* give children this portrayal, since it is obviously closer to the truth than those deceptive and slanted journalists would have you believe.

Hey all you non-slanted journalists, you care to explain these photographs to me?

It was completely obvious to anyone following last year's presidential election that the American news media had a collective hard-on for Senator Obama. Journalistic integrity out the window.

Obama's family -- Off Limits!

The Palin Family -- Open Season!

Maybe we should look at the respect that "journalists" show each of the two most-recent Presidents.


The authors of the study make this statement: "The ideal goal of journalism is to ensure an informed citizenry in an objective and truthful manner."

Maybe someone should have told that to Dan Rather before he broadcast forged documents regarding President Bush's military service.

To Misses Sturgill, Winney and Libhardt -- I submit to you that you are correct. The portrayal of the news media in the Harry Potter books, through Rita Skeeter, The Daily Prophet and the tabloid-esq The Quibbler is overwhelmingly negative. I submit to you however, that this is *precisely* how we should represent the media to our children since, notwithstanding the journalistic "ideals" which you've highlighted, is actually the way it really is.

We should teach our children the truth.

It Doesn't Pay to be the Best

Late last summer, I stumbled across a newly-introduced cigar. It is called the Casa Magna, Colorado. It caught my attention because of its beautiful wrapper (the tobacco-leaf wrapper, not the cellophane) and the fact that the Robusto size was only $5.25 per stick.

I smoked a couple of singles and discovered this was truly a fantasic cigar. At $115 for a box of 27, this was an amazing discovery. It became my number one cigar. I smoked it all last fall and was loving it. I was recommending it to all my cigar buddies as they had not discovered this fine smoke.

First sign of a problem.

Each issue of Cigar Aficionado Magazine includes a section rating dozens of cigars, basing their scoring on overall flavor, appearance and construction. The final ratings are on a scale of 1 - 100. Any rating 88 or above is an excellent smoke. A rating of 90 or above is a truly classic smoke. Cigar Aficionado rated the Casa Magna Colorado Robusto with a 94. I was quite pleased by the rating, as it reinforced my belief that my own taste in cigars matches that of true cigar experts.

Then -- disaster struck.

At the conclusion of each year with their year-end issue, Cigar Aficionado releases their list of what they consider the top 25 "Cigars of the Year." And, you guessed it... Ths year the Casa Magna Colorado Robusto was on the top of that list, rated the #1 cigar of 2008.

From that point on, it seemed that every human being who set foot in the cigar store asked for the #1 cigar. Demand outpaced supply 10-fold, and finding this great cigar became impossible. At the time, I had more than one full box on hand, but they became precious, to be guarded and smoked only on special occasions.

I have not seen a full box of these cigars in more than six months.

Cigars are not Cabbage Patch Kids. You can't just re-tool a new factory and ramp up supply production when demand calls for it. The specific flavor is created by an individual blend of tobaccos that have been specially cured in a precise manner over months and years of time. There is a limited supply of that tobacco. Additionally, expert cigar rollers aren't walking down every street. It is an art form to roll a perfect cigar, requiring years and years of experience. Somehow I knew that when I would finally be able to get my hands on another box, they would *not* be the cigar I remembered.

Last week, I was in San Antonio. As is my custom when visiting a new town, I patronized a rather nice cigar store to examine their selection. While browsing the humidor, I stumbled across an open box of the Casa's. I inquired about a full box, which was available and I purchased it.

The flavor is the same. Just a really nice medium to full bodied cigar with a magnificent finish.

The construction -- sucks!

At least 50% of the cigars that I have smoked from that box have been improperly rolled. The draw causes the burn to move quickly down the center leaving the wrapper and most of the filler to slowly smolder. This creates an overly hot cigar, with a lack of taste and an awful burn.

In my experience, this kind of roll turns up in about 1 of every hundred premium cigars and is a fluke. In this case, it's turned out to be the norm.

Bummer. I really liked the original smoke. Damn you Cigar Aficionado. And Damn you Casa Magna producers for ruining a great smoke.

It Says "F R A G I L E" -- Must be Italian

Happy Father's Day!

I won the Father's Day drawing at the cigar bar, and received a magnificent prize.

It's a kegorator decorated with Oliva V cigars.

So why is it that someone thinks it's really this in disguise?

I wonder.

Anyway, I love it.

How *Not* to Liqidate

WTF is it with these people running corporate liquidations? Is the concept so difficult?

The purpose of a liquidation is to turn a hard asset in to cash. To do that, you price the hard asset so that it is so attractive, the conversion to cash is instantaneous. This is Bankruptcy 101.

But then again, there are people in the corporate world who seem to survive in spite of themselves. Ultimately, they will fail. Gloriously.

A recent example of this came early this year, when Circuit City went Chapter 7, and began to liquidate.

Back in December, as a Christmas present for someone, I purchased a GPS navigation system from Circuit City. They were in Chapter 11 reorganization at that point in time, ready to poise themselves for the future. The GPS system I bought sold "on special" for Christmas, for $99.00.

Later, in January, Circuit City announced that their reorganization plan didn't pan out, they were forced to go out of business, and liquidate their inventory. I returned to the same store, to purchase the same item, but now they were looking to immediately liquidate.

A rational human being would assume that if your intent is to liquidate, and you advertise savings of40 to 90%, that your prices would be cheaper in January than they were in December. This turned out to be not the case.

The same item I purchased for Christmas for $99, was liquidation priced in January at....

..... $170.

Dumbasses.

I was ready and willing to purchase 2 or 3 of these, assuming the pricing would be around 70 bucks. Not a chance. Apparently, when you hire 3 consulting firms to set your liquidation pricing, it ends up working exactly as though your congressman was buying a toilet seat.

This brings me to my current thing to bitch about.

Chrysler's "reorganization."

Without comment on the fascist takeover of Chrysler by the Federal government, as part of the Chapter 11 reorganization plan, Chrysler cast several hundred dealerships off in to the cosmos. Those dealerships were required to liquidate their Chrysler inventory by the close of business today.

I think the shmucks who worked the Circuit City liquidation were also the consultants for my local "going out of business" Chrysler dealers.

I priced a vehicle from the dealer back in February, when they were running the "employee pricing" promotion. The vehicle I sought was then priced at fifteen-five. I did not purchase it.

Yesterday, I had a nice discussion with a salesperson from a liquidating Chrysler dealer. He gave me his liquidation price on the same vehicle I looked at back in February. The liquidation price? Wait for it.....

....... Seventeen five.

Are you shittin' me?

There was even a TV news story about people turning up at that dealership looking for bargains, and turning away saying "we thought the prices would be better."

Know what? You liquidation clowns can't differentiate your asses from a hole in the ground. In some circles, I'm considered an "expert" in bankruptcies. From my expert viewpoint, you morons have completely missed the point. I hope you drive my car all the way to the bank.

Suits. Ties. Heads deeply embedded in your asses. Nice.

Credit to The Godfather

I didn't write this, I'm just repeating it.


Chief Justice John Roberts said today: "I would hope that a wise White man, with the richness of his experience, would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a Latina woman who hasn't lived that life."

What a racist pig.





Ooooops. My bad. Actually the quote if from Justice Sonia Sotomayor, nominee to the Supreme Court of the United States. She said:




"I would hope that a wise Latina woman, with the richness of her experience, would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life."

If one statement is racist, isn't the other one? Yeah, let's see whether or not Katie Couric brings *that* up. (Or the New York Times, Washington Post, yada yada yada)

Racism is racism.

What's Wrong with this Picture?

Sometimes something just strikes you funny.

My beverage of choice these days is a fine pour of a Guiness draft. When that's not available, I return to my old standby, Heineken.

This afternoon I was seated at the bar of an upscale Irish Pub, the kind that has a multitude of fine imported beers on draft. (Or as we used to call it in New Yawk, "on tap")

I recall years ago having a discussion with a bar manager over the price of one of his beers. There was a big chalk sign behind the bar which read, "All Domestic Drafts, $2.00." I was then of course shocked when the bartender charged me $4.50 for a Killian's Irish Red. I engaged the bar manager, who plainly stated that Killian's was a premium import. For some reason I failed to convince him that Golden, Colorado was located within the bounds of the United States, and was thus not an "import." Ultimately, the sign was changed to read, "All Domestic Drafts, $2.00 (except Killian's)."

So today, I was enjoying a fine pint of Guiness when three tourists sauntered up to the bar to sample the wares. They looked at the pipes (the industry term for the beers available on draft) and nothing seemed to meet their needs. Finally, the bartender said this, and I quote:

"We also have many domestic beers in bottles, we have Corona, Corona Light, Heineken, Heineken Light and many others."

I smiled, said nothing, and finished my drink. Sometimes life is just funny.

Heroes II - My Heroes

It's been an impressive past 7 days.

District All-star; Most Valuable Player; National Honor Society inductee. She's my hero.

The other one?

Yesterday became Airman Basic. Sworn to support and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies foreign and domestic, so help him god. When you consider this is a time of war, voluntary enlistment is pretty heroic.

They're my heroes.

Nobody Cares Anymore

Bullet 399

Or more precisely, it’s known as Commission Exhibit 399.

In order to believe that President Kennedy was killed by Lee Oswald acting alone, you must believe this:

This bullet was fired by Oswald using a cheap Italian Carcano rifle.

The round passed through the back of Kennedy’s neck (about 3 inches higher than his wounds indicated), out the front of his neck, nicked Kennedy’s necktie, then it hung in the air for two seconds doing nothing, then moved right 4 inches, then struck Governor Connoly in the back, broke his rib exiting from the front of his chest, entered his wrist, exited his wrist, and came to its final stop in the governor’s thigh.

You then have to believe that this bullet magically exited his thigh while he was on a stretcher at Parkland Hospital in Dallas, found by “someone.”

My God, this must be a magical bullet.

It’s magical because, well…. Hey -- have a look:

Did this bullet do all of that? Holy shit, this bullet really is effin magical.

Because if you take the same rifle and the same kind of bullet and shoot it through just the wrist of some poor bastard cadaver volunteer, you get this: (skipping the in the neck, out of the neck, in the back, breaking the rib, out of the chest and in to the thigh)

Damn.

The reality is bullet 399 did none of these things. But in order to perpetrate the greatest fraud in the history of the United States of America, someone created the story of bullet 399.

That person is….wait for it…wait for it…

Senator Arlen Specter.

Senator Specter was a staff attorney for one of the members of the Warren Commission. It was he who proposed the single-bullet theory which became the core of the Warren Commission report.

It is so blatantly bullshit that it is laughable.

The early 1960’s was a different time in America. The post-war prosperity of the late 40’s and the 50’s created an innocent utopia. We didn’t question our government or its authority, and the young charismatic President was just what we all wanted.

The cold-blooded murder of that President changed it all. But yet, an innocent and naive populace had no impetus to believe the truth. They didn’t question authority. All the bullshit of the late 60’s, the hating of the “man”, the belief that Nixon was worse than the Nazis, it all stemmed from the fact that no one in 1964 wanted to see the truth. That truth was that we were no different than a third-world country where governments are overthrown by force and not governed by law.

This is the legacy of Arlen Specter. This man had no quest for the truth. This despicable human being used whatever power and influence he had to sell the commission and the citizens of the United States on a bullshit story that could somehow remotely fit the fairytale that they wanted to sell.

F**k you Senator Specter. That’s my respect.

To my friends on the left side of the aisle (figuratively, since as I recall they’re actually on the right side of the aisle) you can fucking have him.

All the anger you tried to release in the 60’s was the result of his work. He alone created the tulmultuous era you lived through. Bless you all.

For those of you who don’t know why I chose today to go on this rant, you have my love. For those of you who do, let’s get off our ass and do something about it.

Heroes

"Nine times out of ten, a hero is someone who is tired enough, cold enough, and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don’t give a damn.”- Hawkeye Pierce

I have a new hero.


Beyond any question, Sully is a hero.

Without at doubt, Richard Phillips is a hero.

Yesterday, I found a new one.



He is Gov. Rick Perry of Texas.

Finally somebody says out loud what needs to be said loud and clear: “I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens, and its interference with the affairs of our state...That is why I am here today to express my unwavering support for efforts all across our country to reaffirm the states-rights affirmed by the Tenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. I believe that returning to the letter and spirit of the U.S. Constitution and its essential 10th Amendment will free our state from undue regulations, and ultimately strengthen our Union." Perry continued: "Millions of Texans are tired of Washington, DC trying to come down here to tell us how to run Texas."

For those of you educated in government schools, you may not know what the 10th amendment to the United States Constitution says, but I assure you it is as important as any other written words you will read. Witnesseth:

Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

It’s that simple. The people (you know, “We the People” (perhaps the only part of the U.S. Constitution known by most citizens)) delegated powers to the United States. They are specific powers, they are listed in the Constitution. Those that were not delegated to the United States are reserved to the States or the people.

This is an easy concept. It’s sadly not taught in our schools, but the framers wished to protect the sovereignty of the people and their States. The government of the United States is ignoring it, and it *has* been ignoring it since FDR.

Governor Perry says it’s time to take it back.

Bravo. Gov. Perry, this Bud’s for you.